I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
