Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
