Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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