I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize