On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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