I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All I want is dick and wine.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
