i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Is it because I queefed?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
