Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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