strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
