My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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