I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
