Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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