haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
