i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
