when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
