I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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