If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize