the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
