He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
