i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
