Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
