So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
