I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
