a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
