Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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