I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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