you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
