I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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