I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
