The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
