Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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