I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
