the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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