my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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