remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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