$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
