u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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