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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.

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• (949): View more from California

  she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."

  (949): View more from California

  little did she know i was taping her the whole time.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.

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• (585): View more from New York

  Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire

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• (585): View more from New York

  Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking

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• (716): View more from New York

  My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England

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