I just made out with a guy for $7.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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