Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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