last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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