My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
