we have pet lesbian snakes
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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