Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When are your genitals available?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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