I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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