The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
