last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It's Friday. Sex?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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