Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
