I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
