TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
