Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
