since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
