Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
