I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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