I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
