are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There's always time for handjobs
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
