I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
