I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
