I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You're so nebulous sometimes
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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