Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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