Im at strip club and am horny
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
