Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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