You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
