your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
