My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
