When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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