Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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