Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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