I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
