U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
