someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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