This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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