So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize