I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
