as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
