I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
