In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Apparently you make a good broom.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
