I skipped work to stalk him.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
