I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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