my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
