I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
