Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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