Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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