The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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