I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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