it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
