There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
