Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
