Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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