From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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