I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
