Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
