..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
