At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
