Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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