Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
