I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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